One of the four noble truths in the Buddha’s teachings is that life is suffering. Suffering not in the sense of physical pain but suffering as it relates to being unfulfilled and unhappy. This feeling of being discontent is usually caused by life not living up to your expectations. The things or possessions you strive for usually fail to bring you a sense of true fulfillment and happiness.
Attachments in your life are the people, places and things that you deem important in your life. The house, car or the country club membership you work so hard for often fail to give you the satisfaction you seek. In reality you hold onto these things because they are the things that society considers indications of success and prosperity but they fall short and you end up feeling empty and shallow.
In my life I had all of these things at one point or another. If you looked at me you would think that I was living the American dream. I portrayed the role of a happy successful person who had met all the milestones that life had set for me. But deep inside myself I was suffering from feelings of sadness, pain and inadequacy. I was living my life for other people. I was an actor of sorts that played the character of a successful and productive individual.
I used drugs and alcohol to take me away from my true reality. I was in a state of constant intoxication. Every morning started with a few lines and a cold beer or a cocktail. That was the fuel and motivation needed to get my day started. I usually slept all day and partied all night for days at a time. However, after a few days my body just couldn’t function any longer due to the lack of sleep and food so I crashed for a few days to recover from my exploits.
Eventually, I hit the wall or reached my bottom as they say. I was so depressed that I not only considered sucided I actually devised a plan to kill myself. I sat and wnet of this plan over and over and over again until I was ready to go through with it. The day I was going to do it, I got a call from an old army buddy out of the blue. It was like divine intervention. The universe had heard my cries for help. We talked and he convinced me to go check myself into the Acute Mental Health ward at the Veterans Administration hospital and after some persuasion I went to the VA hospital and checked myself in.
In retrospect this was one of the best things I could have ever done in my life. Despite my hesitation I quickly realized that I had done the right thing and that I was in a place that I could get the help and support I needed. I met a doctor that told me that I didn’t need MEDICATION but that I needed MEDITATION. THis simple phrase hit me like a ton of bricks. It was such a simple yet powerful concept. He handed a book about mindfulness and meditation and I slowly started to read about the meaning of mindfulness and the benefits of meditation.
After some practice I was finally able to incorporate meditation as a key part of my recovery. Once I realized that it was not a pass or fail endeavor but rather a non judgmental exercise that allowed me to stay in the present I focused on simply controlling my breathing and not beating myself up if I got distracted by something. After all that’s why it’s called a PRACTICE.
Suffering is an unavoidable part of life. No one is spared from the struggles and challenges that life presents us. When faced with these challenges we are confronted with a choice. We can either choose to endure the suffering or we can make the decision to make a change and find a way to accept it for what it is and move forward. Once we realize that happiness can’t exist without suffering. You can’t have one without the other. Only through acceptance do we gain freedom from suffering. This too shall pass as they say and we all have the ability to change our lives and learn to live a happier and more fulfilling life.